7 ways to know you’re not ready for a healthy relationship and what to do until you’re actually ready.

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‘Failing to prepare is preparing to fail’ Benjamin Franklin.

Relationships are not easy work, as in all matters of the heart. Perhaps due to the fact that we are complex creatures. We change evolve lose interest and gain new interests. Life getting busier doesn’t help matters. That’s a blog post for another day. You can try to pretend you don’t care about someone but you do.  You can try to ignore the one you really want by settling for someone else, it’s only a matter of time before you move on. Why do some people make a life long commitment and others not? Why do people break up and make up and repeat the cycle till they’re 70? Different core values determine outcomes.

All views held in this article are my own, feel free to share yours at the end of the post. Hopefully you will find some nuggets here that will enrich your new relationship should you choose to venture into one.

So let’s explore some really good reasons why you may not be ready for a relationship

( yet) and what do until you actually are.

1. Obsessing about your likeability factor. Accepting ourselves as we are keeps us in better stead of being liked by others. A superior and inferior self image are same sides of the same coin. Accept who you are the good the bad and the ugly. Have you ever seen a 2 year old turn ninja on you? Yep, no one is perfect every single day no matter what the media shows you. That said we can all improve on our people skills.  Listen more than talk, hear to understand not to reply.  Don’t forget to add your comment on this at the end of the blog.

2. Unresolved feelings from previous relationship(s). It’s often shocking to realise the roots are way deeper than we care to admit, why you can easily date the same kind of person only with different names and different cities. Yep the same type all over again.

3. Looking for a quick fix, avoiding the process of resolving your own pain. Pain makes people shut others out. Protect your heart before you dive with both feet in when dealing with someone who has unresolved pain. Practice with your own friends now. Do you have a certain person who you can never quite have a meaningful conversation with?

4. You have not quite figured out what true love really looks like. True love does not hurt but loving the wrong person, that sucks!. You can still heal from it, but smart is avoiding the havoc in the first place. Rebound relationships?  Let’s not even go there. What you seed shows up in a new relationship. Set your heart free to explore non romantic relationships, rediscover your true value and what and who you really like.

‘A girl must be two things who and what she likes’ Coco Chanel

5. Time management. If your relationship is not in your diary it’s not in your future. Invest in you. Me time.  It’s not easy to attract and keep what you don’t reflect. When you don’t set your own standards you attract someone who has no core personal standards.

6. Not knowing how to be alone without a relationship. There’s always someone around you including overlapping relationships.  While serial dating may look interesting it will leave you a complete wreck for the one who is truly right for you. True love thinks of the other person, it is not self centred, even if you have not yet met that person.

7.  Not knowing where you really stand about things that really count. Family values, faith issues, community, destiny and purpose. Building great relationships is more than temporary feelings which come and go. It’s about building personal integrity things you will and will not do out of personal respect and consideration of the life you are bringing into your world.

A good mentor supports you to navigate your own journey taking into account your personal experiences, and current life goals. Head over to my course page to work with me if what you read sings to you. Connect with me if you want to break the pattern of negative relationships in your life. One email one phone call away, spaces limited.

Reach out and get in touch.

 

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